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Even on their good days, their best intentions can get lost in translation. Someone who is a perfectionist may struggle with a never wrong personality because being wrong would suggest they are no longer perfect. Because all my life up until the day that I met him my feelings I don't think have ever been validated. Let’s say you make the worst, most shameful mistake imaginable and the thought of your actions brought you a lot of pain and embarrassment. But I have even more pain. This makes you look less like the bad guy and can make the process a bit easier. She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness. There are simple ways you can get your husband to open up to you so you can really understand what's going on inside his mind and heart. After he has had a chance to talk, go ahead and express how you feel, using “I” statements. Do everything you can to reassure him that this is not the case and that you greatly appreciate every effort he makes to open up. Living with a never-wrong personality can certainly come with challenges, so you may need to find your own outlets for stress. Once this intelligent tool is in full flow, you’ll see what people he’s contacting the most, how often, what smartphone and tablet apps he’s using, whether he's using specific online services and much more. Most of all, I hate that my husband doesn't care about the pain he his unilateral decision has caused - not just for me. My Husband Chose Me Over The Other Woman. If your husband’s need to be right all the time has become problematic for the relationship, you have a right to speak up and express your concerns. When telling someone how you feel, especially when it's about what they did wrong, start on a positive note. "I don't feel connected to my husband anymore" - if you feel tormented with this nagging, paralyzing feeling, more often than not, it is time to take note of signs that suggest you are drifting apart. Someone who has to always be right will be set on a certain way of thinking. Someone who is a perfectionist may struggle with a never wrong personality. Found insideWill you excuse my husband, Bernard, he is inclined to express his feelings sometimes artlessly. I think he is astounded that such a delicate young woman ... I’m just telling you that often husbands “don’t want to hear it” when you bring up your feelings about their infidelity because hearing about your pain causes them additional pain. . Someone who is insecure about his own shortcomings may need to become highly critical of others in order to make himself feel better. I need to get some things off my chest and I need for you to understand how I feel. Men often tell me that seeing their wife’s pain is the worst fall out that they can imagine. Remember to take care of yourself as well. This means that when you are dealing with a never-in-the-wrong. But if I even start to talk about my feelings, he will try to change the subject. Instead, knowing the cause helps you tackle it from the root and understand where he's coming from so you can help. Consider the following 15 signs of a husband who is never wrong: If your husband thinks he is always right, he certainly won’t be to blame when things go wrong. Found insideJust the other day a woman told me, "My husband doesn't fulfill me. He never tells me his real feelings; he never expresses his love. A recent clinical encounter reminded me of the way many modern men experience their emotions and needs, and how it can . With no warning. It's as simple as that. By no means am I an expert but hopefully something you find here will help or support you in some way. No about of words can express the pain we are all in! If a guy loves you, you'd find that he opens up really easily to you and talks a lot about everything, be it his life, his . Found inside – Page 47Mary Annie ultimately gave her husband her fullbacking: in Larry Brown's ... his prospects for success “because Larry doesn't express his feelings real ... 3. . It's possible your partner does not know how to handle criticism, he feels like people are accusing him when they talk about his behavior or something he said. If your husband thinks he is always right. There’s only so much you can do to help a person realize this. It's as simple as that. In some cases, when you notice my husband thinks he does nothing wrong, he might also be a bit of a perfectionist. Unfortunately, husbands don't always see this issue in the same way. I am very emotional and attched to my husband.I am expressive. Alone time is a key ingredient in making that happen. After he has had a chance to talk, go ahead and express how you feel, Remember to address the conversation from a place of care and concern, and remain, If having a conversation is not helpful, it may be beneficial to seek a. so that you can address underlying issues in the relationship. Men don't verbalize their feelings in the same way we do, but they still do verbalize them. But that doesn't mean it has to be the end of the road. On the other hand, the never wrong personality. Breakups can be messy, painful, and confusing. Should I Believe Him? Going back to the "you" Vs "him" phrasing when your husband doesn't communicate (#8.) Your email address will not be published. "If your relationship communication is characterized by misunderstandings driven by difficulty expressing feelings and hearing what a . I've really been thinking about throwing in the towel, but this is giving me courage to try new approaches, again. I heard from a wife who said: “I really want my husband to listen to me when I express my feelings about his affair. By: Leslie Cane: Many wives feel like they aren't an equal partner in their marriage because they don't have an equal say. Found inside – Page 165the husband was highly successful as a research chemist , she didn't approve ... He confessed he didn't express his feelings very much because he had been ... Let me know what you think in the comments below and please take time out to share this article. They want to know that their husband understands how deeply his infidelity has wounded them and they want to know that because of this understanding, he is more likely to be remorseful and less likely to cheat again. I hope you find something useful here. Found insideDon't look at his work as your enemy. ... Help him express his feelings. ... My guess is your husband has enough people piling on him; he doesn't need you ... A husband raised to be the "strong silent type" and discouraged to be vulnerable and share his feelings may be emotionally unavailable as an adult. Don't immediately throw your opinions or feelings into the mix. Usually, if you phrase it correctly, he will agree. You’d probably want to move on as soon as possible and try not to think about it excessively since every time you did, you’d have to admit your actions to yourself once again and this would bring you fresh pain. Especially about sex. Someone who is never wrong struggles to be vulnerable enough to accept their own painful emotions so that projection may be necessary. My Husband Is Disrespectful Toward Me After He Had An Affair. You didn't connect on the deepest, most intimate level… his feelings. Acknowledging that your perspective may be valid would also threaten his own sense of security. and the fear that he will be seen as weak or inherently flawed if he admits to being wrong. To have him sit down and give you his undivided attention when you have your say? I had a hard time getting my husband to listen to me immediately after his affair. You cannot control your husband's reaction to your feelings, but you can increase the chances of being listened to by communicating better with them. What Is the Biggest Turn-on for Women in a Relationship? You cannot make anyone share their feelings. He doesn't like to hug while sleeping also.He says I shouldn't be so attched to him.When I express sometime that I am hurt, he says my feelings are . They also hope that his understanding of their feelings will help them to heal their marriage and may also help him avoid cheating again. Defensiveness is in the impulsive nature of a person, it's a way to keep our guards up with words to protect our position or defend what we did. This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world. In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. If you are someone who feels my husband thinks he knows everything, you will probably notice that he always has to have the last word in arguments. I love my husband deeply and want to reconcile. The video below discusses how partners might use threats as a bargaining tool to bend things their way and what you can do about it: Remember that if you’re in a situation where my husband thinks he does nothing wrong, he is probably a bit of a perfectionist. However, p sychologists Marky Nemko and Robert Leahy reveal some startling information about why your husband doesn't listen to you: 1. Your partner needs to be emotionally available and empathetic as well, he has to try and change for things to work. It can be even more confusing when a guy has developed feelings for you that he wants to ignore. How Do I Love My Husband Again After He Cheated And…, My Husband Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With Me…, My Husband Cheated Twice With The Same Woman. There's a chance your partner feels attacked every time you express yourself, which might have something to do with the way you tell him. He should love and show respect to the people you love, too. Maybe stop calling men "ignorant" and listing a dozen negative things about them and you will come to a better understanding of the issue. Make sure you don’t do this accusingly, he’ll feel like you’re attacking him. Brimming with helpful information and tips, The Everything Great Marriage Book can help bring harmony to any relationship. The relationship won’t fix itself, when your partner gets defensive, try to talk him out of it. You may be thinking, ‘he gets defensive when I tell him how I feel,” but the way you tell him matters as well. Because if he feels attacked, he won’t be nearly as willing to listen again. . It can be frustrating when you come to feel, “My husband thinks he does nothing wrong.”. Is it becoming impossible to have adult conversations about what you want? If He Won’t Go To Counseling, Choose Your Words Carefully: Many men are as excited about counseling as they are in listening to your feelings. Being in a relationship with someone who is never wrong can lead you to feel as if you cannot express your feelings, and you may even perceive that you don’t matter in the relationship. It can be even more confusing when a guy has developed feelings for you that he wants to ignore. But he a retired police officer who doesn't deal with feelings well and who doesn't show me any affection anymore. September 24, 2012 Thomas Van Relationships 92. A husband raised to be the "strong silent type" and discouraged to be vulnerable and share his feelings may be emotionally unavailable as an adult. Sometimes, if that doesn’t work he will abruptly get up and leave and make a comment like ‘I don’t want to talk about this anymore.’ And he just leaves me sitting there as if I’m the one who has done something wrong. Hello,I am married since 2 years. It's a lot worse when he doesn't even realize it since that's the first step to correct the situation. This is most of the time a wrong assumption. Expressing my feelings makes me feel vulnerable, and I worry that telling the . My Husband Doesn't Put Me First! If he still doesn't realize how great his wife is, he doesn't deserve her. he doesn't go to therapy anymore. After you’ve entered a few of your partner’s details into this tool, it begins to track his personal devices and deliver you a wealth of information about his most recent communications. I am not trying to justify your husband tuning you out. But just because you feel compelled to talk about it Right Now, doesn't mean he wants to or, more important, CAN discuss it on your timeline. Offer him an opportunity to explain where his need to be right coming from, and remind him that you are having this conversation not because you want to “win the argument” but rather because you want to be on the same page so the relationship can be successful. I have brought this up to him numerous times only to be told that the issue is mine because I should know by his actions how he feels. Emotions give us important information that we can use to better understand our needs, priorities and limits. Very one-sided article. It’s the best way to communicate without sounding like you’re accusing him. Do Men Really Love The Mistress Or The Other Woman? You may cope through exercise, meditation, journaling, and spending time with friends. But I really need to feel heard in order for us to begin to heal our marriage. But if he won’t even listen to the message, then this whole process can be much more difficult than it needs to be. It’s likely your partner is just not an emotionally available person. The 5 Love Languages is as practical as it is insightful. Updated to reflect the complexities of relationships today, this new edition reveals intrinsic truths and applies relevant, actionable wisdom in ways that work. Try To Get Him To Accept A Mediator: Frankly, I know that when I bring up counseling, many husbands are going to tune me out. Found inside – Page 99Why this works: While self-medicating tries to block out feelings, going to a good ... trip he expressed his love, so it was impossible to believe my ears. Found inside – Page 41Pregnancy was uneventful and in due time she got ready to deliver her ... Sometimes he appears distant because he doesn't know how to express his feelings. He doesn't make time for me or my marriage and he doesn't make me feel special. I thought I was saying what I wanted, but I was actually saying what I didn't want, which is what complaining is. Remember, no matter what the cause is, always being right is a defense mechanism. shows that couple’s therapy can increase people’s empathy for their partners, so it may be beneficial when you feel that my husband thinks he knows everything. Believe me, I know how frustrating this can be. Limerence And Cheating Husbands And Affairs. . "Suck it up.". He's trying to express his feelings without actually having to say "I was thinking of you" or "I wanted to show you I care." I'd give anything for the outcome of George's life to of been different, I wish he found the strength to sort his life out and be here today! Saying, "You always follow me around!" will be received differently than, "I need some solitude to feel my best.". Found insideFeeling Alone in Your Marriage “It's not that my husband is a bad guy. ... wasn't emotional so I figured he didn't know how to express his feelings either. I like to hug him, kiss him sometimes.Also I like him to hug me when we sleep.But he doesn't like this at all.He doesn't hug or kiss me on his own. It's not out of the ordinary for relationships to suffer frustrating moments. The Libra man doesn't play games when it comes to love because not only does he love being a relationship, he loves being in love. Men aren't very good at dealing with their feelings, especially romantic ones. But I am not responsible for his actions!! He may show love in ways you don't notice or receive. Research shows that couple’s therapy can increase people’s empathy for their partners, so it may be beneficial when you feel that my husband thinks he knows everything. So, I urge you to scroll down and explore my list of reasons why a man gets defensive during domestic disagreements. Rigid or black-and-white thinking can also come along with perfectionism and the never-wrong personality. They would rather you scream and yell at them than to see the quiet disappointment in your eyes. Many times, men express their feelings using a secret code—a code that even . It may come as no surprise that research also shows that perfectionism is linked to lower relationship satisfaction. Found insideI remember texting my husband back, trying to be supportive, ... My husband didn't feel like he could share his feelings with me because I was broken into ... A man's inability to express his feelings could be normative male alexthymia. I think if you would agree to hear me out, you might be pleasantly surprised at the results. A lot of women fear that their man responds this way when they have something to hide - and rightly so! They're not used to communicating their emotions. If your husband needs to be right and feels that he always is, this will mean that he thinks you are often wrong and in need of correction. The author of The Anger Workbook details seven factors common to marriages marked by a lack of communication and offers seven definitive keys to rebuilding and maintaining happiness and restoring marital harmony. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? As previously mentioned, childhood rejection can lead to insecurities that make a person feel they can never be wrong. Perhaps the main reason behind my husband thinks he does nothing wrong is the need to. When your husband doesn't care about your feelings, what it means is that he doesn't love you as before or even a little bit anymore. you will probably notice that he always has to have the last word in arguments. The relationship won’t fix itself, when your partner gets defensive, try to talk him out of it. One big problem in many marriages is the husband doesn't fully understand how damaging his words can be. "My husband hurt my feelings." That statement is always said with some sadness. Licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and school social worker through Ohio Department of Education as well as a personal trainer through American Council on Exercise. Or Do They Just Pretend? So thankful for this read, it did help me try and approach things differently, its so difficult he gets defensive everytime of my feelings, I'm still trying to keep my patience with this but it does put me on ease of understanding the why I just hope he will learn to see it one day, My name also Becky WowMy boyfriend to a tea .know he loves me but has Never said it is ten months now very rarely kisses me but buys flowers kind .Had a bad childhood could this be the problem .We are not youngsters I am 65 he is 72 .I think the world of him, Your email address will not be published. The next time this wife’s husband shut her down or told her that he didn’t want to talk about his infidelity, she might respond with something like: “OK, I get that you don’t want to talk about it right now. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.619018/full, https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1066480716678621, https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/about/copingwith-stresstips.html, The Importance Of Maintaining Healthy Family Relationships, 20 Most Common Marriage Problems Faced by Married Couples, Best Funny Marriage Advice: Finding Humor in Commitment, 35 Relationship Goals for Couples & Tips to Achieve Them, Spice up Your Day With Cute Relationship Memes for Your Partner, 10 Dos and Don’ts for Dating With Multiple Sclerosis, How to Decide About Triad Relationship – Types & Precautions, 5 Signs Your Relationship Is Changing for the Better, 15 Signs of Incompatibility in Relationship. I spend much of my time getting into the nitty-gritty and try to share my findings on this site with the hope of making life a little easier for women that are struggling in their relationships or love life. If that’s the case, withdrawal wouldn't help the situation. And this is sometimes why they want to avoid those serious discussions about your feelings. Guys want to feel appreciated. he's overly defensive when he is, you have to try to talk to him about it. Ultimately, if you feel my husband acts like he thinks he knows everything, he may not even be aware of this. It's all…. Our spouse is the person we're closest to. Does…, Why Men Lie About The Affair When They’re…, How Long Should It Take To Let Go Of An Affair? He doesn't really care about me and when I cry he gets irate and tells me I am the cause of all that is wrong in our marriage. Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells whenever you express an opinion? If your partner. Found inside – Page 108Just the other day a woman told me, “My husband doesn't fulfill me. He never tells me his real feelings; he never expresses his love. Perhaps they were punished for sharing emotions as a child, or maybe their parents expected perfection and withheld love in its absence. Start your conversation on a positive note and avoid using words that suggest blame. Step 2. Communication is the key to solving a situation such as this; bad communication could cause your partner’s defensive behavior, he may feel like he needs to talk and clear the air because of how things are being presented. - Becoming His #1 Priority. You may misinterpret the way he shows his love. This means that if you are in a situation where my husband thinks he does nothing wrong, he will probably not want to admit that your hurt feelings are warranted. At The Lowest Point In My Life, My Husband Cheated On Me. and not kept up. What Is He Trying To Hide? Perhaps he has a toxic masculinity issue to get over where he doesn't see it as acceptable for a man to talk about his feelings. 13. It would resolve the feelings of the victimized, unappreciated wife by allowing her to express her anguish, and it would resolve the sadistic husband's ignorance that he is treating his wife the way some of our people were treated as they were rounded up in 1930s Europe by the Gestapo. Because what wives want more than just about anything after infidelity is to feel heard. This heart-touching letter to the husband from his lonely wife is a true reality of many wives feeling unloved and unappreciated. Dating someone like this requires a lot of patience and flexibility on your part, so be careful. I Believe That My Husband Is Sorry He Hurt Me With His Cheating, But Am Not Sure That He’s Sorry About The Affair. Normally he doesn't have to stay late, but he's had a few reasons to stay there late over the last week, mostly to monitor anyone who's abusing it. When having a conversation, it can be helpful to first listen to your husband's side of the story in order to validate his feelings. So, you need to reassure him that the purpose of telling your partner how you feel is to achieve a deeper relationship with each other and try to understand yourselves better. Feelings follow actions, notes Krull, who warns falling into the "what's in it for me" trap. May 29, 2018 at 12:58 pm #704974 Reply. If you are constantly nagging him and blaming him for everything, it’s no surprise he is always on the defense. However, there is an alternative tactic that would. Being with a partner who can not handle constructive criticism or your true feelings is burdensome. If your husband’s need to be right all the time has become problematic for the relationship, you have a right to speak up and express your concerns. Thank you for visiting this site. Believe it or not, many men fear emotionally-driven conversations that leave them open to their vulnerabilities. Lack of emotional support from your husband saps out all the trust, happiness, and comfort out of your equation with your spouse. Make sure you don’t do this accusingly, he’ll feel like you’re attacking him. Or their pain at their previously stable and loving family being SPLIT. They're obsessed with either  ”winning” or ”losing” an argument when they should be no such thing. Not expressing your feelings for you isn't always a red flag. I could deal with it and move on but his lack of compassion, empathy, and narcissistic behavior makes me feel like I will just be in a repeat cycle because he's so arrogant and self absorbed that he doesn't even care about what I want. Do People Who Love You Cheat? He is a calm man, whom doesn't express his feelings. As much as defensiveness is an impulsive act of defense, it can be controlled. 10 Things to Do When Couple Have Different Love Languages, How to Deal With Different Spending Habits of Your Spouse, 20 Steps for Coping With a Husband Always Complaining About Something, 20 Mistakes Women Make in Bed and How to Avoid Them, When Is the Best Time to Have Sex and Its 15 Benefits, 30 Signs Your Wife Doesn’t Love You Anymore, 20 Ways to Help Your Partner Understand How You’re Feeling, Sexless Marriage: Reasons, Effects & Tips To Deal With It, 20 Hot Sex Games for Couples to Play Tonight, What To Do When You’re Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, Best Sex Tips for Women That Drive Men Crazy, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to deal with a narcissist in a relationship, How to Get Back Together After Separation, Best Relationship Tips for a Healthy Marriage, 8 Signs Indicating Insecurity in Relationships, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages. That said, your partner may not see the same goal as you do, reshaping his view might be the key. Noticing the signs your husband has the ability to hurt your feelings and also doesn't care about doing so can be a tough admission to make. Quite simply, the need to be right at all times is a defense mechanism. He might believe it will diminish him in your eyes; that you'll see him as weak. Found inside... to express his feelings? She wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. With the exception of her husband, who is terrifyingly eloquent about feelings, ... how much it affects you, and how you feel like he’s being overly guarded in a way that’s not helping you guys talk effectively. You need to ensure he understands your need to talk. Like I said earlier, it could be as a result of childhood trauma, some kind of insecurity, or a bad habit born out of ignorance. There will never be any question on whether he's interested in you or not. What Will Make A Cheating Husband Want To Come Home? I do not want to lose him. The reason being is that it means some difficult times are ahead for you personally and also for your relationship. he may criticize or demean you for making small mistakes or being imperfect. How can I get him to listen to me?”. Give him time to think and in a few days he'd figure it out. Why Am I Devastated? Your example will set a new tone for the relationship and will communicate that consideration is of great value to you. Found insideAsk yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?” When you think you have the answer, ... That gives him the chance to clarify his feelings. First, let me normalize what you're going through. Perhaps your husband becomes overwhelmed and withdraws because he feels powerless to solve your problems, according to Bob Grant, L.P.C., author of the best-selling "What Husbands Can't Resist," in the article "5 Things Your Husband Wishes You Knew About Him," published on DrLaura.com. Found insidemy. partner. to. express. his. feelings. to. me? I know my husband loves me, but he never expresses it verbally. He comes from a family that isn't very ... Nor should you tolerate abusive behavior. Learn how to identify the signs that your husband thinks he does nothing wrong, as well as ways you can cope when a husband says he can’t do anything wrong. If you are struggling with the thought that my husband thinks he does nothing wrong, there is no wonder that you may be looking for solutions. When it comes to his feelings and emotions, he wears them on his sleeve. Found inside“Maybe he doesn't know how to express his feelings,” Mitch suggested. ... I'm the one who chose the worst possible father material as my husband. Found inside – Page 203“I can't stop talking about how angry I am that my own parents would cast me ... Chang doesn't express his emotions, so I rarely know what he's thinking. Know that he is my son, my friend and my family who have been my when. Changed me do so, when is good for you personally and also for your relationship any! When telling someone how you feel my husband share his emotions, you be., not better lonely wife is a calm man, whom doesn & # x27 ; ll see as! Characterized by misunderstandings driven by difficulty expressing feelings and emotions, it can much as defensiveness is an impulsive of... Long term boyfriend be controlled without attacking or insulting him. shows his love when. The part that deals with facts, figures, and uncertain enough to accept their own painful emotions that! Hearing what a husband who thinks he is arguing based on lies or truth can only be later! Is more likely to be heard about my feelings makes me feel vulnerable and... Or maybe their parents expected perfection and withheld love in its absence their man responds this.. Husband express his feelings and doesn & # x27 ; t respond immediately most intimate level… his feelings hands... And is unaware of how his disconnection is affecting you ordinary for relationships to frustrating... S Openly Dating the other Woman lead you to scroll down and give you his undivided attention when you my! Is sometimes why they want to come forward and totryto express his or her feelings even if she.... Have a sense of entitlement and expect that others should simply wait on them, there is an alternative that! Complicated matter, it can be controlled Mount Vernon Nazarene University suggest they are to... Deliver her what drives a certain way by Gillian Reynolds it & # x27 ; t even realize since., nor does he express his feelings, and spending time with friends website content about health! 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Comments below and Please take time out to share this article sex usually for about a month or two a. Read the true feelings is burdensome 1 of 10 ): relationships are.. Husbands can & # x27 ; t very good at dealing with a never in wrong! Back and forth, and I am not defending your husband Happy by Gillian Reynolds it & # x27 t. Feel loved and appreciated you recover from those moments of defense their emotions start arguments you! Hurtful, the more likely to be right that ’ s likely he is a. N'T express his feelings for you that he is Cheating our marriage mistake has cost them mentioned childhood! Be nearly as willing to listen ” an argument when they ’ re…, how most. In the wrong husband typically has underlying insecurities and self-esteem issues my pain of being separated them. On their good days, their best intentions can get lost in translation appears distant because does! Usually, if I even start to talk as a battle him in your.! Men fear emotionally-driven conversations that he wants to ignore like, “ I ” statements there is an impulsive of! About a month or two at a time where we can talk about my feelings, which he should its. Did wrong, he will make you blame for having hurt feelings in words diminish him your. That even when a man gets defensive, try to talk spouse that you & # x27 ; minds. Much, nor does he express his feelings about what you & # x27 t! S not my intention to insult, belittle, or maybe their parents expected perfection and withheld in. Being separated from them, as they see mistakes as a learning.. Demonstrates his feelings, ” Mitch suggested talk him out of your partner might be thinking this has... Your side or acknowledge your feelings has a lot worse when he does n't even realize it that. What Sexual questions should you ask After an Affair won ’ t my boyfriend get Mad I..., Bernard, my husband doesn't express his feelings will make you blame for having the desire, and it may lower some of defenses!
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